How Prayer and Encouragement Can Transform Relationships

 

by Bart Denny

Have you ever had someone in your life who just knows how to push your buttons? (Tell me I'm not the only one!) Maybe it’s a coworker who’s always one-upping you. Or a family member who corrects everything you say. Or maybe—even more uncomfortably—it’s someone in your church pew on Sunday.

Here’s the thing: we all have difficult people in our lives. And, if we’re honest, sometimes we’re that difficult person for someone else.

I once heard about a man whose brother-in-law made every family gathering an exhausting competition—job, car, vacations, you name it. After one too many venting sessions, his wife gave him a piece of advice that changed everything: “Why don’t you just pray for him?”

His first prayer was less than gracious—something like, “Lord, help him be less annoying.” But over time, that changed. His prayers softened, and so did his heart. Eventually, though the brother-in-law hadn’t changed a bit, this man discovered something profound: peace.

That’s the power of prayer. Often, it doesn’t change the other person first—it changes us.

What Paul Teaches Us About Peace

In his short letter to Philemon, the apostle Paul gives us a masterclass in relational wisdom. Before addressing a difficult issue—Philemon’s runaway slave, Onesimus—Paul begins not with confrontation but with prayer and encouragement. He models a better way to pursue peace.

In Philemon 4–7, we find three simple but powerful steps that can transform how we relate to one another, especially in the church.

1. Pray with Gratitude for Others (Philemon 4–5)

“I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your love for all his holy people and your faith in the Lord Jesus.” — Philemon 4–5 (NIV)

Instead of leading with correction, Paul begins with gratitude. He thanks God for Philemon’s love and faith. Before asking anything of him, Paul affirms the good.

What would happen if we prayed like that? Instead of, “Lord, please fix this person,” we started with, “Lord, thank you for them”?

Gratitude shifts our perspective. It reminds us that the person frustrating us is also a child of God—imperfect, but loved and called just like us.

Practice this:

• Keep a prayer list focused on gratitude.

• Tell people you're thankful for them.

• Shift your prayers from “fix them” to “thank You for them.”

2. Pray for Their Faith to Grow and Bear Fruit (Philemon 6)

“I pray that your partnership with us in the faith may be effective in deepening your understanding of every good thing we share for the sake of Christ.” — Philemon 6 (NIV)

Paul doesn’t just want Philemon to have faith—he wants it to move. He prays for a faith that grows deeper and bears fruit in relationships and reconciliation.

We’re not meant to keep our faith bottled up. It’s meant to ripple outward, like a stone tossed in a pond—touching coworkers, friends, neighbors, even the people we least expect.

Practice this:

• Pray for others to boldly live and share their faith.

• Ask God to deepen their understanding of His goodness.

• Encourage others in their spiritual journey—out loud.

3. Encourage Others by Recognizing Their Impact (Philemon 7)

“Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.” — Philemon 7 (NIV)

Never underestimate the power of a kind word. Paul tells Philemon, “You’ve been a blessing. You’ve refreshed others. Keep going.”

We all need that kind of encouragement. A simple note, a quick text, or a short conversation can breathe life into someone who’s discouraged.

Practice this:

• Identify someone who needs encouragement and reach out.

• A handwritten note can go a long way.

• Build a weekly habit of lifting others up.

Peace Starts Small—but Grows Big

Paul shows us that peace in the body of Christ doesn’t start with fixing problems. It starts with a posture of prayer and encouragement.

Imagine a church where every member prays with gratitude, seeks growth in faith, and lifts others up. What if that kind of church started with you?

Let’s be the peacemakers:

• Who will you thank God for today?

• Who will you encourage this week?

• Who needs to hear, “I thank God for you”?

Let’s not just talk about peace. Let’s live it.

About the Author
Bart L. Denny is the lead pastor of Pathway — A Wesleyan Church in Saranac, Michigan. A retired U.S. Navy officer and passionate communicator of God’s Word, Bart holds a Ph.D. in Christian Leadership and teaches graduate ministry courses at Grand Canyon University. He writes regularly on faith, leadership, and the revitalization of the local church.